Choose your Identity

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Oh, beloveds! I’m back! I’ve missed you! It’s beeen a long time! So much has happened! Our current house has sold, and we’ve got the keys to our new one! We haven’t “officially” moved in yet, so we are bouncing between the two locations. We are in transition. Homeless with two homes. Camping out at the new house, and on bare essentials at the old house. Boxes are everywhere. I’m feeling a little lost when it comes to my identity. I’m not sure if I am still a city girl or a country bumpkin in the making. We haven’t had a “summer” yet because we are still doing all the things required for transitions… so no relaxation for us! It’s coming. When we get there.

We got the keys!

I suppose the world we live in talks a lot about transitions. Jobs. Moving. Identity based on where you see yourself. Gender identity – now there’s a hot one. Goal setting. Personal achievements. Past achievements. At the risk of sounding philosophical, identity is very complex. I’m not sure it is all simple DNA. Even from a science girl. I don’t think it’s about your skillset either. I’m not sure it’s as easy as picking your character on a video game. Can we choose our identity? What does that mean? No simple answer was found for that muse, my friends. As I said, I think we humans are too complex for such a simple, one-time choice. Our identity ebbs and flows — I think. Or does it have a clear direction? Okay – enough of that musing, my brain hurts and it’s not the direction I wanted this post to go.

Still, I do want to chat about identity a little. Perhaps we need to break it down from human identity into a simpler innate object: like our new house. A few weeks ago, I wrote about giving our new property a name. A name, because names are important. They are part of that bigger identity assemblage of thoughts. You’re welcome to read about that post here. So, what did we name our new place? It’s just over 4 acres of land. About an acre and a half of that is forest. We have a chicken coop, a barn/garage/outbuilding with a loft. A pond and a pool and a garden. The house was built in the 1900s with a big ol’ wrap-around porch. It has character and I love it. It’s exceptionally quiet and I feel like I am at a retreat when I am there. It’s going to have work – for sure. It’s going to be part of mittonmusings.com – undoubtedly.

It has a Barn!

So the name? Oh. Well. As I dragged my dear husband from property to property over the last few months, this one checked all my boxes (see above). I’d been praying. The hubby kept me balanced. He reminds me that we are not farmers. I cannot have a goat (yet). I can have a few chickens but “it is not a farm”. When the purchase agreement went through, I was telling everyone we bought a farm. He reminded me “It was not a farm”. It was an old house with some property. Therefore, I can say that my hubby actually chose the name, based on the diverse identity of our land. We hereby dubb the new house:

“ITSNOTTA” Farm

Do you love it? Quirky? Dumb? Different? Not very original? All are part of the identity. You can judge. Go ahead. People judge identity all the time. They can because of that complexity we mused about in paragraph two. The apostle Paul also had to defend his identity… and the identity of those he was trying to serve. In Ephesians 3 (one of my favourite chapters by the way!) he reminds us that not only God’s chosen people are to be part of the family of God. Jews and Gentiles alike are “allowed” to be joint heirs with Christ based on their beliefs, not on their heritage. That’s one part of my identity I don’t have to question: I am a child of God. Am I a farmer? I don’t think so. Is our new property going to have a garden and some animals? Yes. But, “it’s not a” farm. And Paul was an apostle, but not a Jew. Choose your identity? That’s complex. But you can choose the next step you make in this journey. And maybe, just maybe, your steps will lead you on a path to “enjoy the promise of blessings because you belong to Christ Jesus”. Ephesians 3:6b. Then come on over to “Itsnotta” and we can chat about choosing identity over lemonade on the porch.

The rocking chair is waiting for you!

Anticipation

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Definition: anticipation (noun) “a feeling of excitement about something that is going to happen in the near future”

Cambridge Dictionary

You’ve all been there. Christmas Eve. Job interview. Wedding day. Those butterflies in the stomach that keep you up at night. A mix of unknown fears and hopes for the future. Plans to do this or that. Expectations. For me, right now, it’s 10 days till we get the farmhouse keys!! And I am full of anticipation. I lie awake thinking about paint and plans and occasionally wander into the “oh my what have we done?” thoughts. Emotions are funny that way.

I’m sure the hubby is questioning his sanity and life choices right now. His wife is googling “best goats for first-time pets” and Pinterest boards on what colours to paint chicken coops. We are chatting about “rural” internet towers, cell phone services, and figuring out what the purpose of a sump pump is. I love it. The hubby? Lamenting about our current neighbourhood and the dog-walking route that he won’t be taking in the near future. And his bank account dwindled away like chicken feed. Literally for chicken feed perhaps.

Anticipating can be scary though. Our human nature wants to know. We want to be ready. No one likes being thrown into a situation they were unprepared for. I suppose because of this we tend to do our homework – well – at least some of us do. Some of ya’ll thrive on the adventure of the unknown. Fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants people love the adrenaline rush of anticipatory feelings. It’s “fun” to you to take the risk. To jump in with both feet. Others try to research all about future endeavours so we know what might happen when. Can you identify what kind of person you are? Your partners? Family?

Today is the last day of high school for our middle son. He’s been challenging for me because he’s one of those fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants guys. And he’s good at it. Two days before post-secondary applications are due, he scrolls and accepts a program and applies. Volunteer hours are due at the end of this week. Four long years he’s had to collect signatures. We signed off on them today. One on behalf of some other leader. God makes us all unique, and we must learn to deal with people. But, oh, my mother’s heart.

I guess the fact remains that no matter what kind of person you are there are no guarantees. We will all face our Maker one day. I don’t know of anyone who’s cheated death yet. We don’t like to think about that one, do we? Have you prepared yourself for that conversation? That’s gonna bring up some feelings, isn’t it? Oh friend, I hope you seek wisdom when regarding your eternal home. Ask the hard questions. Do your research. The Bible tells us that if we seek wisdom, it will be given to us. Time to do some research! You won’t get the chance to sign off on behalf of someone else. It’s work we have to do on our own. Be confident that your future anticipation is one of true excitement. That you know your heart is right with God and others. Only then can you dream about your “many mansions”. Mine’s gonna have a cute painted chicken coop.

Photo via : Backyard Chickens.com

White Washed and Waiting

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Oh, my beloveds! I am still here! I have not abandoned you! Yes, I have been absent for a few weeks — but it’s because we’ve been busy! I’ve been riding the real estate rollercoaster of prepping a home to sell. We’ve been painting and packing and cleaning and purging and panicking! Have you heard of this thing called “staging”? Alexa tells me it sells a house at 10% higher. My realtor says it helps with “a house like ours”. Like a lived-in one? With teenagers who leave their socks on the floor and milk drips on the counter? Not to mention the zoo which also lives here. We now have pristine white duvets and throw pillows fluffed on beds. “Art” on the walls and nothing left on the counters. We flush and wipe the bowl. We pack up the cats, and the dog, and the kids, and drive around aimlessly in 33-degree Celsius weather while strangers peek in my closets to see what kind of soap I use.

Leave it to Amazon to have a book…

I’ve given away my children’s childhood book collections and cried when the sign went on the lawn. Neighbours who we talk to twice a year are messaging to say “How can we leave them – we’ve been such good friends?” I secretly ask the pastor if it is okay to pray for profit because we need to make some money. We are at the mercy of friends who host and feed my large and hungry crew because we need a place to crash. The dog joins us. Heaps of blessings on my mom who is hosting the rats. Seriously, who wouldn’t want to see rats in their potential new house? 🙂 My children are tired. My husband is stressed. I’m an emotional basket case. And yet, we press forward. We take offers tomorrow.

It’s really no wonder people say moving is one of the most stressful events that happen in our lives. It’s true. And everyone has an opinion. Don’t settle for this. You’ll get this. Do this or that to improve your chances of a good deal. Wait. Move fast. God must have a sense of humour though. Every time I go to “tidy up” or clean out a cupboard Lauren Daigle has been my go-to playlist. Coincidence she sings titles like “Look up Child” and “Trust in Me?” The kids say she has been my “theme music” for the last few weeks. We’ve also been studying the story of Joshua. Be strong and courageous. Be strong and very courageous as you embark on a new and promised land… but first, you must tackle these big scary giants that lay before you. Like surviving a weekend of open houses.

It’s funny how we often white-wash things to cover them up, isn’t it? Sure, a fresh coat of paint really does make a difference. Clean and tidy hallways and fancy decorations in my empty bookcases look great! But it is no longer “my home”. People comment about how different it looks. So clean the family says! Admittedly, not sure how to take those comments. My house was clean – enough. We all know outward appearances don’t always dictate what’s happening on the inside. Jesus commented on this on more than one occasion. People are fickle. We are wooed by pretty shiny things. Myself included. Yet, I love a house with character! Wonky walls and squeaky floors. Neighbourhood kids who played in your backyard and made messes in your kitchen… and then message you they’ll miss you.

Too many times we “hide” behind a mask in order to impress. So many times we get away with it, too. Alexa tells me it’s true for real estate, at least. Still, those who truly know us see the white-wash staging and laugh because they know it’s not the “real us”. God knows too. I’ve given it over to Him. At least I’ve tried to. He sees beyond the walls and knows exactly what we need, and when.