Monthly Archives: June 2019

One Woman’s Mid-Life Crisis

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Well. It happened. Officially. The children have scattered in various directions screaming and ducking out of the way. The hubby is cowering with mouth a gape, unsure of what to say or do next. The world as we know it will never be the same: I have hit my mid-life crisis. Oh, you would never know it to look at me. Okay, I have filled out around the middle, have lots more grey hairs and a few more wrinkles, but people have already seen those changes and are used to them. And it’s not the biological clock that has stopped, either. The batteries are wearing down and it’s getting slower, but the hands still move in a perpetual motion. I am afraid to say it — But — It’s my mind. My brain has synapse overload; the old noggin has shorted out and fired neurons that should not be fired. I have hit the point in my life where

*sziwip* POP *sparks * and fizzle —

and then a wisp of smoke.

Toast.

I have come to the point where I am wondering: What happens next? Where do I go from here? What is to be had for the rest of my poor, pathetic life? This is the last week of school. The kids will be done for the summer and we will be flitting from place to place, soaking up the sun and enjoying time off. I have some things planned, and we are always busy. No, it’s not the day to day things I am talking about… there are always lots of those to do. It’s the big questions: What am I here for? What does God have planned for me next? Who? What? Where? Can I have chickens? You know, important stuff.

Tonight we watched our middle son walk across the platform at grade 8 graduation. Middle of the road. The geeky stage between elementary school and high school. His suit jacket was a bit too loose and his dress shoes just a bit too tight. His classmates a mix of blossoming adolescents … none quite there… yet. The valedictorian speech was full of hope and promise…of journeys made and travels still to come. Oh, what little you know in junior high! And now? Me in the middle of life. Caught between aging kids and aging parents. Careers established but you can’t retire just yet. Dreams have been sought after — only to find that reality bites.

I’m even having trouble with mittonmusings. I have been reviewing “YouTubers” and popular “vloggers”… should I start videos?! Our life isn’t sensational enough… and yet so many videos go viral and are deemed “successful” simply by documenting their cats sleeping… or dogs eating broccoli. I look at top google searches and try and understand algorithms and analytics… and what’s up with advertising?! Should I be aiming at being the next top influencer for 2020? Shall I do “unboxings”? Of what?! Muscle ache creams? My monthly subscriptions of granny square crochet shawl patterns? (Which wouldn’t be bad, actually…who wants to sponsor me?). Oh no, my friends, Blogging is not for the faint of heart.

  • Purple Hair?
  • Or dog videos of monthly subscription boxes?

(Photos by superrgb and curology via unsplash)

Am I the only one who wants to sell everything I own and move to the country to raise chickens?! Am I the only one who is considering a purple streak in my hair to just be wild and crazy? (oh poor introvert me… to indulge in such revelries…) Sometimes I wish I had a bit more gumption, a bit more chutzpah, a bit more throw it to the wind and see where it takes me. But alas, I too, will have to simply climb the next rung in life’s ladder. Fold the next load of dirty laundry and paint the deck this summer just like everyone else.

Photo by Aaron Burden, unsplash

I used to laugh at King David, the writer of the Psalms. He always seemed a bit “up and down” shall we say? One psalm is full of praise, worship and green pastures…. the next is woe to me, Oh Lord, please smite my enemies. Such drama. Or maybe David was simply having a mid-life crisis, too! I think this is why so many turn to the Psalms when we hit those bumps in life… misery loves company. We are comforted by the fact that David, the messed up guy who often let his emotions get the better of him, was still considered the man after God’s own heart. The creator of the world, created mid-life too. He welcomes our questions — even the big ones. He sees the future even when we feel like ours is pointless. I’m still praying that He will give me a little boost in the right direction and re-connect my fried brain. I’ll keep you posted on it. And maybe, just maybe, show off that YouTube video of me in the beauty salon getting that streak of purple in my hair.

How Much is Too Much? Learning to Live a More Balanced Life

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Finally! The weather and my work schedule has co-operated enough to allow me some clean up time at the house! I am afraid that it is only a “lick and a promise” though (as my mom would say). The bathrooms are clean and I’ve wiped all the counters, but I really would like to get in deep and give all the rooms a good make over. I am beginning to look around and say “wow…we have a lot of “stuff”!” As I try to live a little more “green”, I am beginning to see just how much we have accumulated over the years. We have been blessed enough to be able to buy what we want… and we have. I have a lot of high hopes for things… projects and crafts I want to tackle, furniture I want to refinish, new things I want to learn, and often I can’t say no to a great deal at the thrift store! Time and energy simply get the better of me and my best laid plans get pushed aside to the back of the basement… again. I sound like those hoarders on the documentaries… I wanted to, but just didn’t. Then somehow the piles begin to take over.

The truth is, most of our society has become this way hasn’t it? We always are dreaming bigger, wanting more, and pushing the limits. Even the minimalists are driving forward with their agenda of quality not quantity. My friend describes it as the “new piety”. If I live this way with these things, then you should too…and if you don’t, then you are doing it wrong. If this lifestyle, or this diet, or this gadget, or this, or that, is the way I like, then it must be the best for everyone. And so we must accept it. But how much is too much? Somewhere along the line we have lost balance. Myself included.

I tend to be an all or nothing kinda gal… ask my friends… I love a good project. A task that I can focus all my attention on. Therein lies the problem, though… it takes all my attention. The rest of the world begins to fall down all around me but my blinders prevent me from seeing it. I think I’m not the only one with such tunnel vision, though. So much of our world is “micro-managed” with minority groups driving home very specific opinions on very specific topics. Even our careers and educational paths have taken on this micro vision. Health care, too, has become so finite. We see one specialist for one problem and then have to see three others for the side effects. It can be a little frustrating. We become “specialists”– but masters of nothing.

Photo from link below

We recently saw a film called “The Biggest Little Farm“… a documentary that followed a Californian couple who gave up their city life to try their hand at a new wave of farming. (I think the hubby suggested it to tame my want for chickens…which didn’t work, but I digress). Under capable (yet slightly radical) mentorship, they decided to diversify their farm. They planted a variety of fruit trees instead of one crop, and varied their livestock to share in the load. The idea was balance. Their mentor assured them, that in time, the land itself would balance out, that their farm would flourish with the ebb and flow of predator and prey and nutrient renewal. Science tells us this is true, yet, I couldn’t help but muse how spiritual the message was. We are just finishing a study of the gospel of Mark in our small group. It’s fascinating to me how the gospels show us this idea of Jesus’ perfect balance between a focused plan and the bigger picture.

Christ, the messiah, knew He was coming to earth to fulfill a very specific purpose. He had a goal. A set task. Yet in the height of His ministry he still was conscious that He needed to take time aside for self care, reflection and prayer. He healed many, yet not all. He planned for the future, but often didn’t know where He would sleep at night. He had no means of salary, but never seemed to go hungry. He surrounded Himself with both women and men, with rich and poor, with educated and outcasts. There was no false piety, there was simply a message. Jesus didn’t promise that His way was the easiest, either. Being a Jesus follower did not guarantee the easy road, nor does it now. But it does bring profound hope.

I think, it is this hope that we are all struggling to fill with our stuff, our visions, our drive for the ultimate. We want our futures to be sealed with security. I too, struggle with the future unknown. I’m always looking for something new… “just in case”. That’s the delight of the faith journey though… it’s a journey. A continual path to Heaven that starts when we take the first step out in faith. It then becomes a winding path of checks and balances, but ever encompasses that Hope that guides us onward. So how much is too much? When we become so blinded by all the stuff that we can’t see the forest for the trees. When we begin to lose hope because we have not taken the time to get back on the right path, or the path is blocked by a narrowly focused tunnel. We need a little mix of all to keep the balance. I’m not there yet, either, but learning… anyone need some glass jars? I think I have too many…

I Challenge You!

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Finally had a little break from the busy work schedule of last week! I escaped North to visit the oldest beloved. It means I will have lots of work to do when I get back home, so it may not really be too much of a break, but for now, I am relishing the quiet. An introvert needs her time to recoup, you know!

Today, we worshiped at her church… a younger crowd of Jesus followers meeting together to praise the Lord with a little more flash and flourish than I am used to, but a great Bible based message was given, and I am thankful she has found a place where her faith can continue to grow away from home. The pastor’s sermons are relevant connections to the group living there, intended for their special circumstances and neighbourhood. It is different from ours at home… and that is okay. Which got me thinking about an activity I saw in a classroom about a month ago.

The teacher had a bulletin board displayed with challenges that the students made up for their peers to attempt. Simple things like “write a poem like me”, or “play the game I made for you to try” or “make up a cool emoji to use to describe your feelings”. My understanding is, that it was an exercise to create some student choice, as well as an activity that allowed the students to interact and learn from their peers. I thought it was quite a noble concept for public school — and got me thinking about the world as a whole.

I have many friends who have chosen to home school their children. Others who choose to send their children to private or religion based schools. When our eldest was born, we explored various options as well — even considering Montessori learning. As parents, we want the best education possible for our kids. We also want our values and culture to be relevant and present in the lives of our beloveds as well. For many of us, this includes our faith. Especially at a stage where their development is so poignant to their future lives. Let’s face it – whatever we have exposure to when we are young, we tend to use as part of our future lives also.

But let’s get back to trying to condense my muse into something more concrete. I guess what I am trying to say, is that no matter what our background, no matter what our culture, no matter where we grew up, or what kind of life we have led, we come to the cross on the same level. Yet — we need to learn from — and be challenged by — our fellow humans. Our peers. Different cultures. Different methods of learning. Different methods of worship. To use our five senses in worship, thus allowing our faith to grow in whole body, soul, mind and spirit. Fellow students of Biblical learning, challenging one another in love, to go beyond what we know, to sharpen one another as iron sharpens iron. It’s a Biblical concept that instructs us to learn from each other, to meet together to fellowship, to share ideas and grow in our relationships. It’s part of who God made us to be. The Pharisees and Sadducees of Jesus’s day knew the law — but Jesus was always challenging them to live out what they learned… with grace and love.

I will be the first to admit that this is not easy for me. I am quick to be negative. I am quick to criticize this or that as not a “proper” method of worship. I, too, have my own biases and preferences. Therefore, I too, must do my research and discover if something is simply tradition, or is it a biblical practice? Can I learn from my peers and be challenged to try something different? Do I choose to hide from the “grey areas” of the faith world and not engage in discussions about difficult topics? Can I learn from someone else’s background? Or worse, will it strengthen my children’s faith by allowing them to be exposed to hard questions? To be confronted by their friends? Or do I hide and protect them from it all? It’s not an easy answer. Are you up for the challenge? I’d love to hear from you! In what ways have you been called to give an answer by others? Has it been easy or hard? Share in the comments!